Getting older

Tomorrow is my 32nd birthday. I am usually pretty excited for birthdays, as it's a fun time. And this time I should especially be excited since it falls on a Saturday and I have a whole day to celebrate. Yay?!

Some people hated turning 30. To them, that was old and they looked back at their life and realized that they either accomplished some stuff, or they didn't. In my eyes, I didn't think turning 30 was oh, so bad. Although I wish that my life had gone into a different direction than what it had turned out by that age, it was obviously meant to be and I came to terms with it. A new chapter in my life was just beginning, as I entered into a new relationship just a few months before. I was pumped to see what my 30's were going to show me, and maybe finally point me in the direction that my life was supposed to go all along. And it has, in a way.

I shouldn't be such a debbie downer about getting older, but when the age numbers keep increasing and your life is at a stand still of where you were 2 years ago... I can't help but feel a little sad about it all. I do love my life, that's not what I am saying. I love the life I have with my BF, my family, my friends, etc. I just want more. The years for child-bearing is decreasing and it gives me less time in life to share marriage anniversaries (that is, if dear BF and I get married anytime soon)... and that's the stuff that makes me sad. As he said once, we can't help what time in our lives we met each other, and I get that. And I understand where he is coming from by not wanting to rush things just because of our ages (he's 2 years older than me). But, the thoughts of wanting that family, wanting the bond of marriage makes me antsy. I'll probably never experience a 40th anniversary, let alone a 50th. Hopefully I at least make a 25th!

I can't complain, and I shouldn't. I am dating a great guy who would do anything humanly possible for me... no matter what it is. I am happy. I am happy with him. I am happy with us. I just want more, and won't lie and say I'm not jealous of my friends who are recently engaged, getting married soon, having more babies and buying new homes. I want that. I deserve that. We both do. It'll happen, one day.

Maybe when I'm 35... ha.